


The Dark Lord Clause

by tinymiko



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, F/M, Fun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-13 01:19:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12972555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinymiko/pseuds/tinymiko
Summary: Set in the Order of Phoenix. It's Christmas time and the Golden Trio are putting up with Umbridge and her decree's and trying to teach the DA Defense Against the Dark Arts. The ministry has its head in the sand about Voldemort's return but the Dark Lord Clause is a problem for everyone. The ministry is looking for him for unauthorized floo use and breaking the Statue of Secrecy, Voldemort wants him for his secret for immortality and the Golden Trio want him to stop stealing muggle children. It's a race against time to see who catches the Dark Lord Clause first.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Poipoigirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poipoigirl/gifts).



> This will be updated once a week its not going to super long but will be at least 10 chapters a bit of silly Christmas fun. I hope you like it.

“Ron are you going to the Burrow for Christmas?” Harry asked the redhead who was shoveling sausage in his mouth.

 

“Mmmmfft clllsse ffrtt” Ron said half chewed food coming out of his mouth. Hermione shook her head in disgust.

 

“Honestly Ronald, chew swallow then speak.”

 

Harry held back a snigger. Ron really did have appalling table manners. Ron hurriedly chewed then gulped some pumpkin juice.

 

“No not this year mate. Dad is getting a lot of overtime. Hell most of the ministry are. You see they are all on duty to catch the Dark Lord.”

 

Harry looked up in surprise. The ministry was actually looking for Voldemort? What had changed he wondered. Umbridge had made it clear that Minister Fudge thought Harry was lying about Voldemort being resurrected. 

 

“Wait so they are actually doing something about Voldemort?” Hermione asked the question before Harry could. Ron flinched.

 

“Bloody Hell, no of course not are you mental. No the Dark Lord Claus he breaks into muggle homes and steals their cookies. The muggles worship him and write him letters to give away naughty children. He only comes out at Christmas though and Dad reckons that Fudge is desperate to take the attention from you and You know who by catching Dark Lord Clause.”

 

Harry and Hermione looked at each other then at Ron and burst out in laughter.

 

“Oh that was a good one Ron. Dark Lord Clause.” Harry was still choking on laughter. 

 

Ron looked at his friend angrily.

 

“I’m not joking guys. This is serious my dad could be in a lot of trouble. The Dark Lord Claus is dangerous. They say Claus commands magical animals. Great horned beast that fly him around.”

 

“Ron, Santa Claus is not a Dark Lord. He’s made up just a story muggle parents tell their children to get them to behave.” Hermione told him calmly.

 

“I’m telling you he’s real. The ministry has given up trying to catch him before because they never could. He somehow breaks into the floo and connects it to muggle homes. The muggles love him to much they have these giant effigies of him and some of them even dress like him to show their worship so it's impossible to find the real one. Dad says they had to obliviate 10 muggles that were dressed like him already.”

 

“Ron, Hermione’s right. He’s not real it's just make believe. I watched every year for Father Christmas. I wanted him to take me away from the Dursley’s but he never came. Never brought one gift for me. I used to think it was because I was a freak but then I realized he never came for Dudley either. I used to watch aunt Petunia slip presents under the tree for Dudley with Santa's name on them. It's just a story.”

 

Ron and Hermione shared a look. Harry never talked about his life at the Dursley's. They knew of course it wasn’t a good life that the Dursley's hated Harry nearly as much as they hated magic. It still came as a shock to them whenever Harry did say anything about his life with them. Hermione grabbed Harry’s hand and gave it a squeeze. 

 

“Sorry mate.” 

 

Harry shook his head and shrugged. He had long since gotten over the fact that Father Christmas did not exist. It was actually better for him. Better that Father Christmas be a story than a real person who didn’t believe Harry was good enough. He had enough of that after all. Fudge, Umbridge not mention the Dursley’s and depending on the day half the school.

 

“Seriously though, the Dark Lord Claus is real. He came from this really old pureblood family and he did some really wonky dark magic and now he’s immortal.” 

 

Hermione shook her head at Ron’s pronouncement. 

 

“Well there is only one way to find out the truth. I’m off to the library.” Hermione walked away.

 

Hours later as Ron and Harry lay on the common room floor in front of the fire making up their divination homework Hermione came running through the portrait hole. 

 

“Harry he’s right. Saint Nicholas was real. St. Nicholas was a Bishop who lived in the fourth century in a place called Myra in Asia Minor (now called Turkey). He was a very rich man because his parents died when he was young and left him a lot of money.He was a pureblood wizard from one of the original seven most ancient and noble families. Supposedly he broke the statue of secrecy because he fell in love with a muggle girl she was supposed to marry a muggle noble but her father was poor and he couldn’t afford the dowry so Nicholas used the floo to break into the girl's house and left a bag of gold for her dowry. This is why muggles see him as benevolent and he was sainted for his acts of kindness. The wizards though have a different story. Supposedly he was in love with the middle daughter and she couldn’t get married till the older one was married so the bag of gold was only to remove an obstacle in his way. Once the eldest daughter was married Nicholas kidnapped the second daughter and she was never seen again.”

 

“So he’s real and he’s a kidnapper?” Harry asked.

 

“I bloody told you so. The Dark Lord Claus is real.”

 

“Well he certainly was a real wizard but Ron that was over 1500 years ago. I know wizards are long lived but surely he must have died.”

 

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. He’s still alive. Last year he was spotted trying to break into St. Mungo’s and before that the ministry had to obliviate 200 muggles because he apparated in front of them.”

 

Hermione looked skeptical but kept her thoughts to herself.

 

“Wormtail, your report.” 

 

The snake like man sat upon a throne holding court in the Malfoy home. Before him stood a fat balding man with rat like features. His body trembled and he stuttered as he spoke.

 

“My Lord, the ministry is looking for the Dark Lord Claus.”

 

“Crucio”

 

“The ministry dares forget about Lord Voldemort to look for that muggle loving Dark Lord of old. They shall regret the day they overlooked Lord Voldemort as a threat.”

 

“My Lord if I may.” Lucius Malfoy interrupted fearfully. Voldemort nodded his permission and Lucius continued. 

 

“The plan was for the ministry to deny your return so that we may gather our forces and take them in one fell swoop. We should let the ministry continue to waste time hunting this children's story .”

 

“Crucio, He is real. The Claus is real, he is no story. I have seen him with my own eyes. Do you question your lord Lucius? Crucio”

 

Lucius writhed on the floor his body in agony. It felt as if he were being burned from the inside. His nerves on fire.

 

“I saw the Claus when I was a boy. In that despicable muggle orphanage that Dumbledore left me to rot in. He came like a thief in the night. Through the floo, a sack filled to the brim with gifts. He left something for each of those filthy muggle children. He left nothing for me. Me Tom Riddle, I was smart and handsome and bright. I had powers, I was a wizard like him so why Claus why did you leave me nothing. I tried to go after him but he was gone in a flash of floo powder. I knew then I would rule over the wizarding world one day and on that day I would find the Claus and make him pay for leaving nothing behind for me.”

 

Voldemort looked around realizing that he had spoken aloud. 

 

“We have a new priority my Death Eaters. Find the Claus before the ministry. We shall find his secret for immortality and then he shall pay. No more muggles receiving presents from Father Christmas. I will have all the toys. All of the spinning tops and baby dolls. They will be mine hahahahahahahahahah.”


	2. Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It got more serious than I intended but I promise there will be plenty of fun and laughter in the coming chapters and a look a the Dark Lord Claus and his nefarious plans. hope you like it.

Harry woke covered in sweat his body shaking. Voldemort was really happy and that was a bad thing. Looking outside he realized it was still dark but knowing he wouldn’t get back to sleep he decided to dress for the day and get started on his homework. Hermione would be pleased he thought briefly. Thoughts of Hermione helped clear his mind of the pain from his scar. Which immediately made him feel guilty. He knew Ron fancied Hermione who didn’t after the Yule Ball fiasco of last year. “Yeah but he still didn’t do anything about it” a small voice in his head argued. “Neither did you.” argued another voice. Harry shook his head pushing thoughts of his beautiful friend aside. Thinking about Hermione was nearly as painful as thinking about Voldemort. Ron was his best friend he couldn’t betray him and the odds were that Harry would be killed sooner or later and he couldn’t do that to Hermione. So he would love her like a sister even if it killed him.

 

It was hours later that Hermione found him doing his charms homework in front of the fire. She had come down in her night clothes and Harry had a hard time not blushing when he looked at her. Her bushy hair was tangled and the strap to her tank top kept slipping down her shoulder. She had never looked more beautiful. 

 

“Harry what are you doing up?” 

 

Hermione questioned her voice concerned. She looked at her friend his black hair stood up everywhere like always but his green eyes were shadowed and Hermione knew he hadn’t slept well.

 

“Had a bad dream.” He mumbled embarrassed. 

 

“Voldemort?”

 

Harry nodded and was both embarrassed and grateful when she threw her arms around his neck. Hermione was the only who hugged him like that. Not the back breaking hugs of Mrs. Weasley but soft and hard at the same time. Like he was important and maybe like she didn’t want to let go. He secretly hoped. She held on to him for a few minutes before her cheeks pinkened and she hurriedly stood up. 

“I should go get dressed.”

 

When Ron finally came down in time for breakfast Harry decided he needed to tell his friends about his dream. 

 

“Guys listen last night I dreamed that Voldemort was after Claus.”

 

Ron flinched at Voldemort's name causing Harry to roll his eyes. 

 

“Bloody hell why would he want to do that?”

 

“He wants the secret to immortality.” Harry answered watching as Ron swallowed hard and Hermione paled. 

 

“He’s got his body back but obviously he can be hurt. You nearly destroyed him as a baby Harry. If he gets Santa’s immortality nothing would be able to hurt him.”

 

“We should let the evil gits fight each other. If we're lucky they will kill each other and we won’t have to worry about anything but that bitch Umbridge.”

 

“Mr. Weasley!”

 

The three jumped at Professor McGonagall’s voice.

 

“10 points to Gryffindor for speaking the truth.”

 

“Bloody Hell” Ron whispered.

“Mr. Weasley, language please.” McGonagall walked toward the head table a small smirk on her face.

 

“We can’t let them fight each other. What if they decide to work together Ronald. Then we have two Dark Lords to worry about or what if Voldemort wins. No there’s only one thing to be done.”

 

Harry and Ron looked at each other in confusion.

 

“For heaven’s sake. We have to catch him ourselves.” 

“Who are you and what have you done to Hermione?” Ron asked the bushy haired girl.

 

“Shut it Ronald. Voldemort is after Harry and I’m not about to let him get more powerful. If that means we have to take out Santa Claus well then that’s what I’ll do. I’m not letting anyone else decide they want to hurt Harry.”

 

“Hermione, you can’t be serious. You can’t kill Santa Claus.” Harry told the girl he loved his face concerned. He wouldn’t let Hermione dirty her soul for him. She was too good to pure. 

 

“No Harry this is my choice. I’ve been thinking about it. The muggles had this man named Hitler and he was like Voldemort. He decided that only certain people deserved to live. He was responsible for the death and torture of thousands of people. He should have been stopped sooner but people were afraid. The Death Eaters are casting killing curses they are kidnapping and killing muggle children and we cast leg locker curses. So a corrupt ministry can let them out to do it again. No, no more. We fight to win. This is war and it’s kill or be killed. I am not going to spend my life living in regret because a Death Eater I let get o Away killed an innocent. That makes me as guilty as them.”

 

“But Hermione they are unforgivable curses that's an automatic sentence in Azkaban.” 

 

“I don’t have to use Avada Kedavra to kill someone Ronald. A cutting curse to the head a blasting curse to the heart. Even aguamenti can drown them.”

 

“You’re one scary with mione.”

 

“I’ve just decided sometimes you need to kill in order to protect those you love.” She looked at Harry when she said this. 

 

“Hermione, you can’t do this. Not for me please. You’re a good person.”

 

“Would you think I’m a bad person Harry? If I killed.” At his emphatic head shake Hermione continued. “I’m not just doing this for you Harry. I’m a muggle born. I’ve beat all the Death Eater's kids in all the classes. Do you think Voldemort won't go after me or my parents? That Malfoy hasn’t already put me on the hit list?”

 

“I’ll kill them before he touches a hair on your head mione.” His green eyes were determined filled with fire and Hermione knew then that he was speaking the truth. He would go against his beliefs, Dumbledore’s beliefs to protect her.

 

“So we're in agreement. We go after the Dark Lord Claus.” Harry and Ron nodded knowing there was no stopping her once she got an idea into her head.

 

“We’re going to need help. We have some information on him but not much.”

 

“We could ask McGonagall?” Ron suggested. McGonagall. She had become his favorite person with her award of points for calling Umbridge a bitch.

 

“No that won’t work. If we're going to catch Claus before Voldemort we need to set up a trap for him. Last year a book on dark arts was left for me at my parents house. I asked them how they managed to get into Diagon Alley without help but they insisted they hadn’t.”

 

“So he’s been to your house?” Harry asked angrily. The Dark Lord knew where Hermione lived. He was taunting them. Well that was the last straw. He wouldn’t let Hermione be hurt.

 

“That’s what I think anyways. So I thought we could go to my house for the Holiday. Set up a trap and catch him.”

 

“Won’t your parents be suspicious?” Ron asked.

 

“Well my parents are in Paris for the holiday so they won't know.”

“How are we going to get Dumbledore to let us go to your house without your parents there?” 

 

“Well that’s easy. I have Hedwig bringing a letter to me and to Dumbledore from my parents inviting you both to our home for the Holidays.”

 

“But you just said…”

 

“Honestly Ron, I faked the letter. My house has been warded since last year as has the homes of all muggleborns so he shouldn’t have a problem with letting Harry come.”

 

The boys gawked at her. 

 

“Hermione you’re brilliant” Harry yelled making the girl blush. 

 

Ron looked between his two friends his face suspicious. He knew Harry liked Hermione and that she liked him back but the two were more stubborn than Percy. He reckoned Harry was worried about his feelings. At first Ron was upset but then he realized maybe he didn’t like Hermione they way he thought. I mean who wants to snog someone that knew as many curses as Hermione. 

 

On que Hedwig dropped a letter in front of Hermione. She made a show of opening it up and squealing in glee at her “parents letter”

 

It was surprisingly easy to get Dumbledore to agree to let them go to Hermione’s. Perhaps it was because Umbridge was so against it. She would be without her favorite whipping boy over the holiday. 

 

“Albus surely you must see my point. If we let them out of the castle then the Potter boy will no doubt cause trouble for Cornelius and the Ministry.”

 

“It is not within my power nor yours Delores to deny parents access to their children.” Dumbledore had replied eyes twinkling madly.

 

“Fine then let the Granger girl go.”

 

“My decision is final Delores. They all go.” This time his eyes did not twinkle but his voice echoed like thunder. Umbridge had shrunk back but they knew that she hadn’t given up.

 

They were proved right during defense class when she gave Harry detention for breathing to deeply and took 50 points from Gryffindor for Hermione knowing the answer. 

 

Luckily Harry’s detentions were with Snape because Umbridge was busy looking for the perfect present for her dear Cornelius. While Snape admittedly hated Harry. He never tortured him.

 

Hermione insisted they all go with Harry for his detention. So just after dinner the three of them showed up in the dungeons.

 

“I don’t recall having all three of you dunderheads for detention tonight.” Snape snarled at them.

 

“Professor Snape, only Harry has detention but we’re here to make a deal.”

 

Against his better judgement Severus nodded his permission for Granger to continue. 

 

“We will all serve detention with you for the rest of the year scrubbing cauldrons and anything else you want if you give us the information we need.”

 

“So you are volunteering for detentions? What kind of information?”

 

“Anything we want. You of course reserve the right not to answer, but we want a vow that you will tell us the truth.”

Severus looked at the Granger girl. He had to admit she was a brilliant student and an excellent strategist even if it pained him to think it. 

 

“Fine, no vows but I give you my word that I will not lie to you.”

 

And were supposed to believe you slimy Slytherin.” Ron shouted causing Hermione to shake her head.

 

“Ron, Professor Snape won’t lie. He never has even when it’s mean or hurtful.” Harry answered surprising Severus. 

 

“Tell us everything you know about the Dark Lord Clause?” Hermione asked him. 

 

Severus looked from eager face to eager face and could not help the laughter that burst from him. The golden trio looked at him their faces a mixture of awe and shock. 

 

“You traded a year's worth of detention for that. It’s a story a myth. There was once a wizard name Nicholas Claus. He was a pureblood that fell in love with a muggle girl he kidnapped her but since he left two bags of gold the parents were little worried. He died in the muggle world years ago. The muggles used the stories to scare their children.”

 

“He’s real professor. He left a book on Dark Arts at my house last Christmas and Voldemort's looking for him.”

 

Severus stared at her casual use of the Dark Lord’s name.

 

“How do you know this?’

 

“I had a vision professor. He wants his secret to true immortality.”

 

Severus pondered this a moment he knew Potter and the Dark Lord had a connection if this was true than the Dark Lord Clause must exist. Voldemort would never waste time on a myth. This did not bode well for the Order. 

 

“I must think on this.” Severus told them.

 

“Why is the Dark Lord after Harry?” Hermione asked

 

“Everyone knows it’s because Harry defeated him as a baby.” Ron answered

 

“But why was he after Harry's parents?”

 

“The Headmaster does not wish for you to know this information but I feel it is a mistake. The Dark Lord has targeted you Potter and he will not stop until you or he are dead. There was a prophecy before you were born. It said the one with the power to defeat the Dark Lord would be born as the seventh month dies. It could have been you or Longbottom for some reason he chose you and marked you as his equal.”

 

Harry paled at his words.

 

“Don’t worry mate you won’t be alone. We’re going to help you and like Hermione said no more leg locking curses or disarming spells. The Death Eaters won’t hesitate to kill us and everyone else we love.”

 

“Do you realize what you’re saying Mr. Weasely. To kill is not so easy. It leaves a stain on your soul.”

 

“The whole wizarding world expects Harry to kill Voldemort though. They want a kid to save them instead of fighting themselves. Harry’s going to have to kill anyways and he won’t be alone. We aren’t going to let his soul get stained alone.” Hermione answered her chin up and her eyes hard.

 

She reminded Severus of another muggle born girl. One smart and brilliant and kind hearted. 

 

“I don’t want to kill anyone professor but if I let a Death Eater go and he comes back to kill someone I love like Fred or George then I won’t be able to live with myself.”

 

“We’d rather our souls be stained with the death of the Death Eaters than those of our friends and families.”

 

Severus shook his head and looked at Potter really looked at him. He was nearly a clone for his father except for his eyes. Severus saw now that his heart was his mothers to. 

 

“I will help you. Train all of you. You must not speak of this to anyone not even Dumbledore. No doubt without my help the three of you dunderheads will get yourselves killed.” Severus added his trademark sneer but the beaming faces of the three children told him he had not fooled them.

 

“Thank you professor Snape sir.” Potter held out his hand. Severus shook it quickly and released it as if he had been burned. In truth it had been years since he had felt touch of a human. Even the offer of a handshake had not been extended to him in quite some time.


	3. Traps and plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm not really sure how this is going or where. It started a silly idea between my daughter and I and just kind of spiraled. hopefully you enjoy it let me know. thanks for reading.

“Bring in the next one Lucius and this one had better have information about the Dark Lord Claus.”

 

Voldemort was getting impatient and this did not bode well for his servants. It had been over a week and they were still no closer to finding Clause. Oh but they had sent messages to the muggle loving bastard. Lucius walked in wand pointed at a tiny man dressed in green and red. He looked a bit like a goblin. 

 

“Tell me what you know about the Claus.” Voldemort asked the man.

 

“What huh, look sir just let me go. I won’t tell anyone about please. It’s just a job they don’t pay me enough for this.” The pathetic man sniveled and begged. 

 

“Avada Kedavra” Voldemort said almost lazily. The man was gone in a green flash.

 

“Hang his body for all to see. Leave a note for Clause he will surrender to me or all of his followers will meet the same fate.”

 

Hermione, Harry and Ron were in her living room. Ron had spent the last twenty minutes changing channels on the telly. It did not look as if he was going to stop anytime soon. Hermione rolled her eyes and decided to make them snacks when something caught her eye. 

 

“Ron, stop go back.”

 

Ron looked at her helplessly and Harry snatched the remote from him. Changing the channel back to the news. 

 

“I’m Trisha Takenawa (Totally a Family Guy Reference) reporting at the grisly scene in Trafalgar Square where the body of 23 year Rupert Littleton was found hanging from the ceilings. A note stuck to his chest asking Clause to give himself up or more will die. This is the seventh death by the so called Santa Claus Killer. Several others have gone missing. The Prime Minister has issued a statement that he has all hands on deck searching for the killer but this reporter wonders if it’s enough. Should we cancel Christmas. Is the loss of life really worth this one holiday. I’m here with Metropolitan Police Chief Eric Parkinson. Chief Parkinson who do you think is behind this gruesome series of murder?”

 

“We have no concrete proof as of yet but if you remember Trisha a few years ago the serial killer Sirius Black escape from prison. He murdered 13 people on Halloween. We speculate that perhaps he is back to his old tricks only this time it is Christmas that has his ire.”

 

“You heard it here first people. The Chris Kringle Killer may be none other than Sirius Black. Take down your decorations, store Santa’s beware because he’s out there and he’s watching you.”

 

“What a load of rubbish. How can those stupid wankers blame Sirius for this. Chief Parkinson my arse. I bet he’s a squib and he knows that Sirius is innocent.”

 

“You think so mate?”

 

“He does have a bit of a pug face.” Hermione answered almost reluctantly. 

 

“It doesn’t matter now the muggle police are looking for Sirius again. It's not going to be safe for him to go out.” 

 

Harry shook his head in disappointment. He knew how Sirius hated to be stuck in Grimmauld Place. The only thing that kept him from losing his mind completely was his forays into muggle London.

 

“Perhaps not, Harry call Sirius on the mirror have him apparate here. He can stay with us for the holiday.”

 

“Really” Harry asked his face lit up with hope.

 

“What about the pelice. They’ll lock im up for sure.” Ron reminded them.

 

“Police Ron and don’t worry leave that to me. Harry you get Sirius here and keep Ron from blowing anything up. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” 

 

One hour later saw Sirius sitting in Hermione’s bathroom a shower cap on his head.

 

“Hermione, are you sure about this stuff. It smells wretched. I could just polyjuice myself to look like a random muggle.”

 

“Yes, but polyjuice runs out after an hour and this way you won’t be recognizable to wizards or muggles.”

 

When Sirius came out of the bathroom after two more hours it was to a speechless Harry.

 

“Bloody Hell, what did you do to him?” Ron screached.

 

Sirius ran towards the bedroom where a mirror was. He stood in front of it for several long silent minutes. Studying himself from this way and that.

 

“Merlins hairy balls, I’m beautiful!”

 

Sirius was in one Hermione’s fathers navy blue suits. His face was shaved smooth and his hair trimmed short. It was also dyed dirty blonde, he kept blinking unused to the green contacts.

 

“I couldn’t find Harry’s exact shade of green but that should be close enough so that you can pass for his father.” Hermione explained. 

 

“You are bloody brilliant Hermione Granger. Pup if you don’t marry her I’m going to!” Harry and Hermione blushed at Sirius’s pronouncement. 

 

“So what’s the plan pup. I know you didn’t bring me here just to look at my gorgeous face.”

 

“Well you know the muggles and ministry are looking for the Dark Lord Claus. What you don’t know is that Voldemort is looking for him to. He wants the secret to immortality.”

 

“That’s who's behind all those poor muggle bastards being killed?” 

 

Harry nodded

 

“So what are we going to do about it?”

 

Harry looked at Ron who looked at Hermione who looked at her hands nervously. They knew Sirius wouldn’t like this next part but they had to get him to agree.

 

“Well Professor Snape is coming.”

 

“What’s that greasy git coming here for. To take you to Voldemort! No I won’t allow it.”

 

“Sirius, Professor Snape has been training us and spying for Dumbledore and us. He reports to us and the order so that were not left out just because Dumbledore doesn’t think we’re old enough. He didn’t have to do any of this but he’s the only one telling us the truth and actually teaching us useful spells. We need him and I trust him.” 

 

Harry told his godfather his eyes determined. He loved Sirius but they needed Snape and lately Snape really had been the most helpful to the trio.

 

“Thank you for that glowing recommendation Mr. Potter.”

 

The foursome turned at the sound of a voice wands aimed. Severus merely smiled noting that Potter’s wands was pointed a half second before even Black’s. Apparently the boy could learn. 

 

“I don’t like you mangy mutt but I made a promise to keep Harry alive and to help in any way I can so you can either shut up and deal with it or we can put you in a muggle dog crate. I’ve read that’s the best way to train unruly animals. They also neuter them, I’m sure Ms. Granger can arrange for a vet to give you a little clip.

 

Sirius turned red and lunged for Snape who simply side stepped him causing Sirius to fall on the floor. 

 

“Lesson one Children anger has its place but if you let if blind you in a fight you will lose.” Hermione tried to mask her snort with a cough but Sirius’s glare proved she had been heard.  
“Come one you two are supposed to be responsible adults. I can’t fight Voldemort the ministry and Claus if you two are at each other's throats. If you can’t tolerate each other leave because your childish behavior puts us all at risk.”

 

Severus and Sirius both looked shame faced before nodding their heads. 

 

“All right now we know Claus knows where I live because he was here last year. We also know he is a powerful wizard. So I propose we set up a trap for him on Christmas Eve.”

 

“That would work Granger except even the most mediocre wizard would be able to sense any magical traps.” Snape told the girl who only grinned at him.

 

“That’s why we’re not going to use magical traps but muggle ones.”

 

“Hermione dear, it’s a good idea but muggle traps won’t hold a wizard. It’s impossible.”

 

“No offense Sirius but you haven’t exactly spent a lot of time in the muggle worlds. There have been so many advances in the past twenty years. Computers, smartphones, even tiny cameras and listening devices. Magic won’t detect these.”

 

“How do we set these up?” Sirius asked.

 

“Well first some research. We’re going to watch some movies so that you and professor Snape are aware of some things muggles are capable of. So were watching Eagle Eye, The Incredibles, Taken, Avatar, Kill Bill, Home Alone and the Grinch.”

 

At Harry’s look Hermione blushed.

 

“Ok well the Grinch won’t teach us anything but I really love that move and it is the holiday’s after all.”

 

Two movies in they had to take a break. Sirius was amazed at the Television and the movies. Hermione couldn’t wait till he saw Avatar that one amazed muggles could make such amazing things. 

 

It took two days but they watch all the movies and convinced both SIrius and professor Snape that Muggle traps would work against Claus. They took a trip the the hardware store and bought cans of paint, rope, industrial glue, roof tar and fishing nets. 

 

Sirius also went into the local spy shop and had purchased spy cams, trip wires and tracking devices. The muggle in charge of the shop had told him solemnly that was the best way to catch his cheating spouse. The cover story that Hermione had concocted not only served as why he needed those devices but garnered him the sympathy of the shop owner who had gone through a similar circumstance. So he was more than helpful explaining how each device worked and suggesting others. Plans were drawn up in crayon much to professor Snape's horror. Ron insisted that it had to be authentic if it was going to work. Harry reckoned he just like seeing the severe potions master coloring. They knew they had until Christmas eve if they were going to catch Clause because after that he disappeared for one more year.


	4. Presents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a quick little update

“Wormtail, Bella have you anything to report?”

 

“No, my lord we have found not a trace of the Dark Lord Claus.” Bella replied but Voldemort noticed her answer lacked the usual pandering.

 

“Bella, is there something you wish to tell me?” The snake like eyes narrowed at his most fervent follower. 

 

“No my lord. I will seek the Dark Lord Claus with everything in me.” She answered her eyes alight with insanity and obsession.Voldemort almost smiled. He didn’t like change and Bella was crazy and constantly trying to vy her way to the top of the inner circle and into his bed. 

 

Bella meanwhile stared out the window at the starry sky. Those who didn’t know her might think she was just a normal woman contemplating the stars. Bellatrix LeStrange had other things on her twisted mind. The Dark Lord was defeated by a baby. How did you get beaten by a baby. You didn’t even need magic to kill them. You just through them down the stairs or out the window like Bella herself had done. Then that baby had grown up to defeat him three more times and he was still just a pimple faced child. The Dark Lord Claus though he had lived for over a thousand years and no one had ever defeated him. Perhaps Bella could convince Claus to take her on as a follower. She could offer Voldemort in exchange for immortality. 

 

Bella glanced at the man she once followed with all of her soul and sneered. When she had first been recruited Voldemort had been young handsome a powerful wizard in his prime. Now he was as bald as the baby that defeated him. Pale and thin an ugly shadow of himself. Sure she followed him when he was powerful and handsome but now he feared an old man and a child. Yes she thought the Dark Lord Claus would be her new lord. She laughed maniacally and Voldemort smiled thinking Bella was acting more herself. 

 

A knock at the door caused all within the room to pause. Malfoy Manor was under powerful wards and none should be able to find it save his followers. Lucius walked toward the door nervously. Wondering if the ministry had finally wised up and came after him. Opening the door slowly Lucius peered outside. The doorway was empty but on the floor stood a large box wrapped in gold paper with a big red ribbon. He levitated it to study where his lord waited.

 

“It seems the Dark Lord Claus has finally responded to your taunts my lord.” 

 

“You see my followers. He fears me as he rightly should. The Dark Lord Claus will tell me all his secrets then I shall kill him. Look as he sends gifts to the more powerful lord. Leaving them on the door then fleeing in fear of. He sends supplications and I shall reward him with a swift death. Voldemort opened the gift eagerly his red eyes sparkled with what could almost be called joy. Inside the box was a replica of the Dark Lord Clause about 12 inches high. As Voldemort looked at it in confusion the figure started to sing. 

 

You better watch out  
You better not cry  
Better not pout  
I'm telling you why  
Santa Claus is coming to town  
He's making a list  
He's checking it twice;  
He's gonna find out who's naughty or nice  
Santa Claus is coming   
He sees you when you're sleeping  
He knows when you're awake  
He knows when you've been bad or good  
So watch out you evil snake  
I'm telling you why  
Santa Claus is coming.

 

When the song was finished the the figure opened his red sack and coal shot forth. Voldemort screamed in anger and threw the figure which only started singing again. Some of the less fortunate Death Eaters could not hold in their laughter and those had a long night of being cursed by their angry leader. 

 

It was to a room filled with coal and passed out Death Eaters that Severus was later summoned.   
“Severus, your lord needs you. Make it stop for the love of Merlin make him stop.” 

 

Voldemort held his head as if he were in agony and perhaps he was, Severus noticed that a Santa figure was singing shrilly and shooting coal everywhere.

 

“I have tried every spell every potion but still he sings. Claus will die for this disrespect the me.” Voldemort yelled then winced holding his head. Severus wasted no time in handing the Dark Lord a headache potion then he picked up the figure.

 

“I will take it to the wine cellar. If I cannot destroy it I will put a silencing spell on the cellar and ward the door so that you are not disturbed my lord.”

 

“Very well Severus go at once.”

 

Severus walked stiffly to the Malfoy cellar his face a mask of control. It wasn’t until he warded and silenced the cellar that he fell to the floor in laughter. Tears streaming down his face his shoulder shook. It took a whole forty minutes before he was able to control himself and report back to the dark lord.


End file.
